Living with Alzheimer's

Following last issue’s report on Dementia, I had a chat with Keith and Gloria, asking how Alzheimer’s has affected their lives (as a loving husband and wife, both are victims of Alzheimer’s even though only Keith has the disease!)

One of Keith’s main concerns was the effect it has on his speech, which is difficult to hear, and which he says he finds embarrassing. Keith also feels that he has slowed down a lot.

From Gloria’s point of view it’s Keith’s reducing ability to remember recent things that is the worry. He does forget to take his medication and unfortunately he is unable to learn to use triggers that could remind him.

The memory loss is like pealing an onion layer by layer, where the outer layers are the most recent memories. They are what will be lost first, and this means that new faces may not be remembered or they may be forgotten. Keith will naturally begin to dwell in the past more. While Keith has forgotten how to swim, his ability to drive is “mechanical” and will probably be the last to go. Along with memory loss Keith can get fixated about things on his mind, and may repeatedly mention them, which is another aspect of Alzheimer’s that makes conversation more difficult.

Alzheimer’s also threatens Keith’s ability to maintain his long-standing friendships because sooner or later he will be stopped from driving to Nottingham to meet up with friends. This will lead to a degree of isolation. Alzheimer’s encourages feelings of depression, making you question whether anything is worth doing. Should I start something if I might not be able to finish it if the condition suddenly worsens? It can feel like a nail in your coffin. It makes Keith feel angry at times through the sheer frustration of being trapped by this disease.

Gloria says that she sometimes feels more like a carer than a wife and that she’s having to learn how to respond to this changing situation - “I’m on a learning curve.” And Keith is not the only one to feel frustrated!

How then can we relate to Keith and Gloria? Most importantly, neither of them desire pity. We are each different and we accept and welcome one another as we are. It is appropriate then that through our understanding of the condition, we meet Keith as he is without needing to feel sorry for him.

Because Keith can forget people, it is sensible if we take the initiative and approach him for a chat rather than wait for him to approach us. Because Keith is unable to walk as far as the shops he feels isolated and appreciates the opportunity for a chat.

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